Tea Time

I frantically speed away from the curb outside my house, leaving my husband with his work bag in one arm and our five month old in the other before he’s even had a chance to catch his breath from working all day. I’m just looking for a little peace, but it’s hard to find with a baby. I turn the radio off and as I get stuck in road work, I realize that for once I don’t mind the delay.

I’m sure I don’t need to say how much I love my son and husband. My baby is the most adorable little man who is generally very happy, but he has just discovered how to make a high pitched noise much like the whine from an old monochrome computer screen, only louder and far more irritating. My husband is a dedicated father and an amazing husband. I cannot imagine my life without him.

There is therefore a good deal of guilt as I make my getaway and head to school over an hour before I need to: “I shouldn’t be running away like this”; “my poor husband has been at work all day and hasn’t even taken his shoes off yet”; and of course “if I loved my son more I would want to be with him all the time, wouldn’t I?”.

I have no idea what to do since school doesn’t start for ages, so I pull into the mall parking lot and head for the coffee shop. As I sit there, slowly drinking a tea and savouring a chocolate treat without my son’s tiny hands to grab everything to put in his mouth, I started thinking about a moment in my childhood.

My mum was a single parent with two girls. She tells me we were good kids. We did what we were told and played quietly; yes there was fun and squealing and running, but only when it was appropriate. It has always bugged me that my mum would pack us up into the car, drive to my Auntie Tina’s house and tell us to “go play”, shooing all five of us children into another room. I liked peace and quiet as a child and hated this since the other four children were so loud. I longed to sit at the kitchen table with my mum and aunt as they drank tea and ate biscuits. Anytime I tried to sit there quietly with them, my mum would shoo me away again.

Back in the coffee shop I glance over at the table next to me and see three women with a baby. As the two friends coo over the baby and wiggle her legs I think about how sweet it is there is a baby there and suddenly realize I’m having one of those moments where I don’t think of myself as a mother, I think of myself as me. I glance down at my mostly eaten chocolate treat and I realize that perhaps, regardless of how quiet I was or could be as a child, my mum just needed a few moments of child free time, time when she was herself, not a mum.

I head back to my car finally understanding where my mum was coming from on all of those afternoons so long ago. I wish I could go back in time and give her the adult time she wanted, the time she deserved. I make a promise to get out by myself more so that I can be me, not me as a mother or wife, but just me; after all, my son won’t understand my need for child free time at the kitchen table with a good friend, some biscuits, and a pot of tea anytime soon.

39+ Weeks

Okay, it was all going well, it really was... but I was really hoping this baby wanted to be born by now. My clothes don't fit, I'm lugging around a lot of extra weight, and I have a pinched nerve on my foot that makes it feel like I'm walking on a pebble all the time.

It doesn't help that neighbours keep saying things like "Haven't you had that baby yet?". You'd think if you didn't see a baby you'd know I hadn't had it yet. Why ask? It isn't like I'm trying to hold this little person in there.

What a stubborn little baby. I know, I know... it isn't 40 weeks yet. It's 39.5 though, and both my husband and I were 3 weeks early (and I'm a first born). I just want to meet this little person and start this new life. I'm so sick of waiting! I think even unborn babies should listen to their mother.

It isn't so bad afterall...

I was so excited when I found out my husband and I were going to have a baby. I've always wanted kids and as friends of ours have added to their family I've longed more and more for us to do the same. Little did I know how much pregnancy wouldn't agree with me.

Within weeks of finding out I was pregnant I had no energy, I felt sick all the time, slept a lot (I think there was a 15 hour stretch when I woke up only long enough to eat) and my poor husband ended up having to take on everything himself. Since he's only one person the house became a state of chaos. Neither of us was happy, we didn't want to be home, but I had no energy to help tidy up or to leave the house. I started to wonder what the heck I'd been thinking and kept hating all those articles and books that said morning sickness usually goes away after the first trimester and that you get more energy... and I really hated the people who would say "I'm sure you'll feel better any day now".

After months and months of a not so pleasant pregnancy, I'm now well into my third trimester and I have to admit, I am finally enjoying it. I'm a little worried about admitting this since it will likely mean something will change and this will no longer be case, but that is inevitable given that this baby keeps growing and there is only so much room.

The sickness has stopped, leaving work earlier than planned means the energy I do have goes further, and I am more relaxed than I may have ever been (except perhaps that trip to Mexico).

I am so relieved that the pregnancy is finally enjoyable. I was afraid that I'd never want to be pregnant again and would never consider giving my child a sibling. I just kept hoping that that baby brain would wipe out all the bad parts. For the most part it already has, and now there's good parts too. Thank the God of Unborn Babies!!

Let's hope it stays this way from here on out and everything else (uh, that would be the labour and delivery I prefer not to think about) goes well.

And the blogging starts...

So, I've never blogged before, but under the advice of a friend, I thought it best to start writing for me while I had the time.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby and given all the changes that are happening now and are to come, it might be nice to have somewhere that's just for me and allows me to have a outlet for all the random and crazy thoughts that come along with this journey.

SPUD's (Special Person Under Development) bedroom is coming along. We finally got our IKEA shelves this last weekend. Now the room has places to put things and is starting to look like a room (and less like a storage room) - hooray!! We got one tall shelf that we can store diapers, baby products, etc on. We also got one tiered shelf for toys and books. The IKEA shelves don't end up being quite as cheap once you factor in getting off the island, but we were able to get a quick visit in with family, and as an extra bonus.... brought home some tasty jam from Grandma's!

The baby is squirming around all the time now, and kicking me in the ribs. I do look forward to having my body back at some point. I also look forward to being able to breath properly, which hasn't happened in a while given that there's no room for my lungs! Not to mention losing the weight I've gained. I worked hard to get down to the weight I was pre-pregnancy, and it is disheartening to weigh more now than I did at my heaviest before. I know: I'm pregnant so there's a good reason for it, but it's still frustrating so I look forward to getting the weight back off.

I'm a little nervous about having a tiny little person who counts on me for everything. There's no going back once you get that little person in your life... but then, from what I've seen, you can't imagine not having them in your life once they are there. Of course, there's no jumping in the car and running out somewhere. There's no days "off". There's no quickly planned vacations (not that we had many before). Everything will require more planning, more thought, more energy... but the thought of seeing the world through their eyes, well that's exciting!

I can't wait to meet the little dude(ette)!